Sunday, October 11, 2009

Two Months

I don’t know why you had to go
The greater reason I’ll never know

My heart is shattered beyond repair
My body cries in despair
Remi you changed my life forever
I always pray we’ll be together

I’m your Mother for all time
Your heart, it lives on in mine

Your life was lost inside of me
I know now your soul is free

Consumed by you I’m paralyzed
I often wonder if I’ll survive

Today you’d be two months old
I long for you but you’ll never know

I imagine what you’d be like now
Golden hair, blue eyes or are they brown

The things we’d be doing if given the chance
The pain of your absence leads to a trance

I’d hug and kiss you... maybe more than I should
I’d love and teach you all that I could

Instead I’m trapped in a revolving door
With thoughts that lie too deep for words


You were our future
The best of what would come
I can’t see it anymore
I feel too numb

Nothing seems real
Are you really gone
It’s been two months now
And two months too long

I look at your prints
And examine your things
I don’t really care
About life in between

Your bed is beside me
Every night without fail
Your ashes lie in it
This is my Hell

Sympathy cards displayed
Through out our home
As sweet as the notion
We’re here alone

Your Nursery was ready
With comfort and surprises
I get lost in there
It wasn’t meant to be lifeless

Was this your destiny
Just nine months with me
Or was something wrong
Something no one could see

I question this daily
And hourly it seems
I want you here in my arms
Not just in my dreams


I don’t recognize myself in the mirror
Everything’s changed
Nothing seems clear

My eyes are always sad… they’ve lost their light
My body’s aged from this plight

The grief envelops me to my core
I don’t care to breathe anymore

I’ve lost my purpose and my son
I barely get anything done

I struggle to get out of bed …let alone make it
To study for my exam…let alone take it

Most days I’m a disaster
I lack passion; trust…..and I miss the laughter

I’m focused on ways to honor Remi
Maybe a beautiful urn or a flowering tree
There’s just so many

I hope someday this depth of sorrow will pass
So I’ll know the lady who’s looking back from the glass