Tuesday, December 29, 2009

words from my friend Amy

Hey Kellie

I have been reading your blog & am very touched by it. I hope that sharing these feelings is helping you, it is good to get it OUT.

I wanted to comment on a few things, but I am a true computer Klutz & can't post anything. But I love the 1 about when you found out you were preggo, and how you told Kristian.

I think about Remi a lot, especially over Christmas.

love you,


Monday, December 28, 2009

words from a wonderful woman " Meganne" who helped me a lot

dear kellie..................

how wonderful to hear your words of Love...............your hearts are so big and i feel the Love that remington brought to you both..............wow, what a way to cherish him........by creating that blog, that bouquet of memories ...........sharing them with all of us.............letting us love him also...............

my heart feels remington and is filled............ayla, my girl is with him also..............and it brings tears to my eyes...............

i'm thankful that her passing allowed me to help you...................

you are now helping many others.................

blessings to you and kristian.................and Love,


i wanted to post this on your blog, but i'm not that skilled............please post it for me.......thank you!

Monday, December 21, 2009

A year ago tomorrow

A year ago tomorrow I found out I was pregnant(December 22, 08). We had been trying for quite some time so when a friend suggest I go buy a test kit I really didn't think it would be positive...

We were having company for two + weeks over the holidays and all I could think was...not now please. I was so exhausted that I couldn't stay awake. I thought I must be getting the flu because I ached and felt sick. On my way to do the grocery run before company arrived I started crying as I was driving. I knew I wasn't up for company but that was a funny reaction...come to find out it was raging hormones. My friend called as I was sitting in the parking lot of the store crying my eyes out...she suggested picking up a test kit. I had to stand in line at the grocery store pharmacy and I didn't have time to be doing that(thinking it would just be negative anyway). I ended up leaving the line and then going back, knowing I wouldn't be able to get away to pick one up without the firing line of questions about where I was going all alone. 

I rushed home and ran upstairs to take the test...as I was opening it a car pulled up, they were here. I ripped it open and was trying to read the instructions as they were coming in the house. Kristian starts yelling for me as I'm peeing on the stick...then they start coming up the stairs and Kristian is still yelling for me...any second I knew it would be the same old negative.....NO, it turned positive right away : ) I'm sitting in the toilet in utter disbelief, happiness, shock you name it. All the while my husband is still yelling for me and bringing people into our bedroom. I needed a minute to myself, I had never been pregnant before so I was shaking and my mind was gone. Should I run out screaming I'M PREGNANT or wait and tell Kristian first??

I would wait and tell him on Christmas Eve. Three very long days to live with the greatest news, alone.

Eventually I made it out of the bathroom and had no idea what I was saying about anything...all I could think was I'M PREGNANT! Just to be sure though I headed straight to drink as much water as possible so I could take the other test right away. When I did.....again, positive right away. Yay! Then the private search(in a house with 5 guests) for an OBGYN in a town I just moved to started. I lucked out and found the best possible one and was able to see her the next day(Dec. 23) for a proof positive test. I liked her immediately...and her test was positive. All the people in the office were so happy and I was beaming. It was also a relief that someone else knew the good news. I had the office write a letter to Kristian telling him the news (click on the letter above) I wrapped this and gave it to him when we found a private moment on Christmas Eve. I was nervous, and he thought I was serving him with papers of some sort because he could tell I was acting strange(more than usual), it was funny. We sat on the couch in our room and when he read it he actually fell onto the floor, grabbed my legs and was crying then we both cried together. It was an amazing moment that I'll never forget and will cherish forever!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Worldwide Candle lighting ~ 12-13-09

Kristian and I attended a candlelight vigil on December 13, in memory of our son Remi and all children who have died. The event was Worldwide and gave Parents a special way to honor their child. There were hundreds of  people that attended. We took a framed photo of him and placed it with all the others. When his name was read we lit the candle that we were given for him and placed at his photo. Everyone received a candle to hold and it was lit by the person next to you. It was so beautiful and touching to see all the candles lit for them on their day of rememberance.

Many wonderful friends and family lit a candle for Remi...thank you for that.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Light Up A Life ~ 12-6-09

A couple nights ago on December 6, our local Hospice held an event called "Light up a life" to honor those we've lost. We hung stars with our loved ones names on the tree of life. The tree was lit and songs were sang, but as I sat there with my husband and friends who also experienced loss, I still couldn't believe this is our reality. It still feels like a bad dream. Our son Remi should be five months old this Christmas, instead we sat there with tears streaming down our faces and empty arms. I hung a star for him and one for my Grandmother next to each other...because I hope they're together now.

A photo that was taken of the tree shows a little boy looking at the stars and it just makes me miss our son even more if that's possible.